Neila Anderson-Decelles ’88, M’00

Back to All English, International Women's Day Spotlights

1988, M 2000

Current job title and employer and briefly describe what it is you do: I am a licensed psychologist in the state of Vermont and own a private practice.

In a few sentences, tell us about yourself: I live in Newport, VT, with my beloved husband of 30 years. We have three young adult children who inspire and challenge us both with their ideas and world concerns. I like to curl, hike, snowshoe, run (well, it’s more like jog, at 55, who am I really kidding?), bike, kayak, make stained glass and dichroic jewelry, and read, read, and read some more! I have especially enjoyed travel, but, during the pandemic I have learned to appreciate God’s grandeur in Lake Memphremagog and nearby mountains and trails. I’m currently working, full time, with clients who range in age from 4 to 98 years of age who humble me daily, with their courage and integrity, despite all insults and adversities, to thrive.

Please tell us about your Saint Michael’s experience: If I could give every person the kind of experience I had at St. Michael’s College, I would do so. I made friends for a lifetime at St. Mike’s who continue to support me and challenge me as an adult. My undergraduate years were enriched by faculty members who introduced me to new writers and theories, and re-introduced me to authors and ideas I had previously misunderstood. But, more importantly, those faculty members cared about me as a person and helped me to get outside my comfort zone and to take risks, which helped me to recognize that I am vastly imperfect and also loved. The Edmundite who met with me at 3 AM in my frailest collegiate moment, the professor who wrote birthday riddles that had me scavenging campus for clues, the music minister who invited me to sing in Liturgical Choir after I’d been hypnotized on Winter Weekend and sang nursery rhymes to a packed McCarthy Arts Center (which I declined because I really can’t carry a tune) — all nurtured loves, spiritual, intellectual and artistic — that I’ve pursued across a lifetime. Two years after graduating from St. Mike’s, I returned as a staff member as Director of the MOVE office. I have never had a job I loved better or that kept me better aligned with my values while stretching my capacity to care.

What advice would you give to women students: Volunteer! The work we do that is monetarily uncompensated offers the purest possibilities for change, in ourselves, our communities, and our world. You will have to accept that another person’s being in the world is different from your own but no less valid. Offer your service at a shelter, get on the board of an agency that is struggling but essential to your community, mentor a purportedly at risk teen. C.S. Lewis was terrifyingly accurate: “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But, you learn; my God do you learn.” And, we can learn as much from people we serve, as we do from our own life experiences; always, we get more than we give from volunteering.

What are some strategies that can help women achieve a more prominent role in their organizations: Get outside of your comfort zone! As a younger person, I cared too much about being as-close-to-perfect and getting-everything-right and I missed incredible learning opportunities and hurt some people along the way. As I’ve matured, I’ve realized that trying and not succeeding are most formative for character development and humility, which are inextricably linked. Several years ago, I took up curling. Yep, it’s that Olympic sport with the weird sweeping, grunting sounds and stone “throwing” that resembles shuffle-board on ice. Seventy-five-year-old women can kick my derriere and I’m still shivering and learning. Because I have a miserable visual/spatial capacity, it forces me to be still and focus; I have learned to laugh at myself when I throw a rock off the sheet/ice. I brought those feelings of not-getting-it and not-being-good-at-it back to work with me and I became a better administrator. Shortly before the pandemic ensued, under the tutelage of a great artist, I commenced a stained glass expedition. Our extraordinary teacher sent us home with his grinders, soldering equipment, etc., and we struggled through glass making in isolation, but we weren’t really alone because we had cell phones and Zoom. Now, I almost always have bandaged fingertips. But, I will forever marvel at the wonder of light through stained glass and feel gratitude for the time, math and science that enable divine sunlight to play indoors. Take what you struggle to learn outside of work back to your work: be amazed by people, especially the ones who drive you nuts, because they are works of art and we are all works in progress.

What keeps you motivated and driven on a daily basis: My children keep me motivated on a daily basis to care about the evolution of our culture. When I consider ordering takeout while there are leftovers in the fridge, I can hear my older sons’ socialist sentiments about waste in my head. I find myself debating “isms” in my mind and heart because of my sons. My daughter, who was born with pervasive developmental delays, has an ability to articulate complex concepts in such concrete ways. I’m stunned by how words can become entrapment or transcendence, and I choose words with more care.

My clients humble me and inspire me every work da, with their trust in the healing that relationships offer when people are willing to work really hard despite loss and hurt. They have taught me that there is no curiosity in survival mode and we need safety to have the curiosity to heal. My husband’s love grounds me, balances me, and still makes me dizzy. My faith reminds me that this is my temporary home and I need to show up, speak my truth with love, and try not to get too attached to ephemeral outcomes. I’m still really working on that last part.

What woman most inspires you and why: Mary, the woman whose last name we generally fill in with “Mother of God” inspires me most. I can’t imagine the fears she faced when asked to become the mother of God, or fathom the pain she endured watching her son be tortured and murdered; I am so grateful for her “yes.” I also reflect on the graces she possessed and the joys of actually holding, not only in her heart, mind and soul, but also her being, salvation. Because of her courage and faith, I have the opportunity for eternity. Can you imagine actually kissing the face of God?

I am also inspired by my own Mom, who has late-stage Alzheimer’s. During the pandemic, I moved her out of a nursing home because I felt like she was dying of loneliness. We had nearly three perfect months and I was able to hug her every day and to have her rediscover me, because she no longer knows me, multiple times every visit. She contracted COVID via a caregiver and I did, as well. My Mom, another caregiver, and I quarantined together for 21 days over Christmas. My Mom cannot feed or clean herself or stand or sit up without assistance; without her other caregiver, I would not have been able to keep my Mom safe; this caregiver’s service of love is a debt I can never repay. Caregivers are woefully underpaid, undervalued and underappreciated, and most often women or women-identifying. We must advocate for reforms of compensation for work that is essential to the dignity of life. And, we cannot allow COVID to co opt our capacity to care. The greatest caregiver in my life was my Mom. My Mom may not remember who I am now, but, because of her, I remember who I am.